So I Am Truly Vanilla and I’m Still OK With Me!

Logging on to the inter-webs I saw an article titled What Your Favorite Ice Cream Says About You;

OK I’ll bite…I want to see what it has to say about those of us who don’t feel like we are plain but always get made fun of for picking Vanilla (French Vanilla is my Favorite).  

So here is the scoop… Yes pun is intended (pausing for laughter here….LOL)

OK so what it has to say about Vanilla is something I’ve suspected but could never really literate as it’s more a feeling so if you’ve never felt it then no amount of words will be able to express that which is Vanilla.  Below hits a couple of key points so you kind of get an idea but next time someone picks Vanilla for a flavor don’t think it’s because they are plain… No no my Friends but the complete and total opposite!!

Vanilla
There is nothing plain about Vanilla. In fact, if you love Vanilla, you are actually a colorful, dramatic risk taker who relies more on intuition than logic. Emotionally expressive and idealistic, you tend to set high goals for yourself, and push yourself to meet and exceed them. On the romantic front, you tend to rely on secure romantic relationships that fulfill your emotional needs while working toward future objectives.

Happy New Year's Eve...

So today is New Years Eve and the marking of another year gone by.  Looking back a lot has happened this year for me.  Some good, some bad, but all very much needed to get me to where I am... Right here, Right now is a place that I am enjoying very much.  I have a few plans for 2012 and know that I will need to make them happen with the steadfastness I have in me. 

I am praying for all the ones I love that they have a Very Happy and Healthy New Year and know how much they are wanted and appreciated in my life! :o)

PERIPHERAL VISION

Early morning coffee with a Friend today the subject of Peripheral Vision came up.  I was saying the reason I don’t care for glasses are because I am not able to use my peripheral vision and he countered with most people don’t use theirs.

I gave him the “Awe sweetie you don’t know me very well do you?” look and told him that I definitively use my peripheral vision and have all my life (fined tuned it thru the years). 

As he really doesn’t know me very well he (understandably) doubted me maybe just thinking I was being funny or trying to impress him.

Having given me a little test he was surprised when I was able to see him (holding up two fingers) too what he thought would be just outside my peripheral vision without moving my head.  I was able to see one finger then could tell, by how he was holding his hand (thumb holding down two fingers) that there was only one other finger next to the one I could see.

Again surprised by my super awesome abilities (paraphrasing of course…lol) that I was able to see I told him (maybe have been a bad thing saying anything) but told him as a fat girl I learned not to move my head when I heard people making rude noises directed towards me (Mooooo) or just blatantly making fun of me.  I learned to see who it was without moving my head or body so I knew who to avoid.

Saying this out loud I thought made me sound a little bit “sad” in so far as I’m a 36 year old woman who still has people making cow sounds around her and that these sounds still get to me.

Yes I should have a tougher skin and not care as these people are just being jerks and if they bothered to get to know me they of course would love me ;o) but then listening to how he stood up for himself, his family and others who were being picked on around him made me think of why I don’t have a tougher skin.

I’m “emotional” for lack of a better word and “feel” in me others disappointment they have for who I am.  Growing up I had awesome parents and family that of course would support me and made me feel loved but I never had that someone stand up for me (fight my fight if you will). 

I (like I am sure countless others) have had to and still do find ways to avoid confrontation… i.e. we don’t talk back or physically hit the person or people who are making fun of us or causing (whether they know it or not) emotional damage.  Always being aware and having to protect yourself is exhausting and really can wear a person down over time. 

Now this may seem like I am saying “Awe poor me, I’ve had such a tuff life because people make fun of me” but please don’t read it as such. 

What I am trying to convey is and what this whole conversation made me realize is 1. I still need to suck it up and not be so emotional… but 2. I maybe as an Adult don’t need to keep thinking of how I need to protect myself but open myself up more… Move my head around, flash my pearly whites, smile at those who are being jerk faces…  Show them (and myself) that using the old coping (knee jerk) mechanisms needs to stop and I need to get out of my own “Peripheral Vision” and know that the world is not as scary as I sometimes feel it is…

Randomness Thy name is Beth…

Ok so I’ll be moving in a couple of months (closer to Friends and work but still NH) and I’ve been going thru something’s.  I found old mixed CD’s… Yes I still do mix CD’s as I am not cool enough to have an IPod that will play in my car :op

Anyways I thought I would share the last six songs on the CD I was listening to on my way to work today.  I love the randomness that sometimes just fits me so well it’s no scary per-say more of a “God I love the way the Universe works” type of deal… So from Country, to Hip-Hop, to Soft Rock, to Dance, to Folk (oh yeah I run the gambit baby) the order of the songs below I realize that the randomness is how my heart and soul talks to me thru music (even if I don’t know what I’m saying at the time).

Alabama - I'm In A Hurry - is me telling me to slow down and giving me permission to enjoy the daily routine and see what happiness is there but that I don’t see sometimes because I am rushing around. 

Fort Minor - Remember the Name - is giving me a kick in the tuches and reminding me that I… Me… is the one who needs to work for the changes I want to have happen. 

Don Henley – End of the Innocence - is a way of saying that “yes” life is not always the sunshine and rainbows I wish it to be and once the luster of someone or something is gone doesn’t mean that it is ruined for ever just means that I need to find the beauty in what is really truly there.  

Rascal Flatts – Broken Road – is… well this song just makes my heart melt and know that there is true love out there and when the time is right we’ll meet and I’ll know that there was no other path I could have taken to where I need to be… Right here… Right now.

Fragma - Toca's Miracle - is a song that reminds me of my early twenties but listening to the words the miracle that I need is the miracle that is the love I have for myself that will be mirrored but the Man who truly loves me and I in turn feel for him.  It’s not the physical “parting of the red seas” miracle I need but the emotional connection that I have always know I want from others. 

Jonathan Edwards - Sunshine – is, well I know this song is about drugs but for me it is more of a reminder that sometimes I need to lock myself away and just recharge.  Sunshine I love you but the darkness is needed (every now and again) to remind me how bright the Sun truly is…

Music can move us in ways we never thought possible and give us the freedom to express our hearts desires even if it is done on a subconscious level… Our heart and soul dances to the music and moves us where and how we should move to make our lives richer.