I have no excuses for all these good byes: Call me when it’s
over and myself has reappeared: I don’t know why I do it every time, it’s only
when I’m lonely:
These are some of the words from Demi Lovato’s song
Sober.
It is very hard to live with addiction (drink, drugs, food,
shopping, sex…) but any type of addiction is a symptom of mental health that
has gone unchecked. Gone unchecked for
years as you thought you can handle life.
But it turns out what you were handling was surviving, you have only
been surviving from day to day, this is not living. There are moments that you have lived but
daily life all you can do is survive to the next day and go from there.
You can be surrounded by Love and know in your mind you are
loved but when you feel at your core that you are not worthy of this Love it
messes with your perception of life and how you function. The worst part is no one can tell you any different. You are the one who has to come to terms of
your own Worthiness.
You have to as an adult use your heart, your mind, your very
soul and make your way thru all the hurt of past wrongs and work at moving
forward each day. For most of us this
will be a life’s long journey. We will
wade thru the shit that happened to us and try to move forward. It hard when you keep pushing down the
hurt. Thinking you can deal with in in
your own away but your own way is what is hurting you. You are using old habits that you maybe grew
up with using to not let out what you have kept inside for so long.
I have no excuses...
I have reason as to why I have done what I have done but I can’t make
excuses for my addiction, I’m am fully conscious that I am on the slow moving addition
train and some days I’m able to jump off and let it get further away from me
where as other days I have no energy so I hop on the car that is closest and
just ride for a while. Waiting for the
energy to come back so I can jump off and maybe get a little bit further away. I don’t have any answers yet. I do have a little bit of peace because I
have been able to be honest and acknowledge that I have more issue that need to
be worked on but I am sorry that I’m not sober anymore right now…
