Monday, October 9, 2017

Being of Good Health

September was a month of activity, sun, and slower weight loss.  I did lose 18 lbs but struggled to eat all my veggies and had to take a two week sabbatical from salad as I was in lettuce over load.  I am back on track with veggies and salad (but just 4 days a week for salad). 

That being said October will be a changeling month, I have events every Saturday this month which means I will be around good food.  This last Saturday was good, we had a taco bar for our Helið Fægening (Being of Good Health) and I stayed on protocol even though the smells were amazing.

I am still struggling with reminding myself that “Today Starts Today” but also building healthy habits to sustain my weight loss so I do not go back to gaining.  Each day is different and if something doesn’t work I know I have tried and will just need to try something else till I find what works for me.    

Sunday, September 17, 2017

Turn to Love

They say love is pain... they say love is kind.... they say love can save you... But Love can only do what you allow it to do. If you let love in it will save you. If you lock it out because of the pain it causes then it will always cause you pain. When you let love be love then the kindness that is always needed follows. 
I have no proof that these statements are true but I  know when I am feeling lost it is because I am keeping love out.
I look back and I see the wrong turns I have made in life were because I was trying to keep the pain of love away. The right turns I made in life were always in loves direction.

Friday, September 1, 2017

Sharing is Caring

Wednesday was two months to the day that I started my IP (Ideal Protein) journey.  It has been a fast two months and I am down 48.6 LBs and 26 ½ inches over all.  Ketosis is amazing as I have not exercised at all.  I will have to start though as I need to take this time to build healthy habits so when I move back to “regular” food I do not gain the weight back.

I won’t say that this is easy by any stretch but it really works for me as I’m able to keep to protocol (except for when I’m not) but I know when I don’t stick to protocol that I don’t loose and I need to keep that in mind.

I also need to make sure that I am using my time wisely and working on myself.  The weight is a symptom of a larger issue and that issue will not go away with the weight.  If only there is a brain ketosis…

Right now I am working on systems that will help me achieve goals.  I’ll go in to that in a later post but right now just wanted to share my progress. 

Thursday, August 17, 2017

I tripped, I fell, I laid on the ground

I tripped, I fell, I laid on the ground looking at the sky and now I’m back up again.  After a 5 day “bender” I am back on the IP wagon.  I learned (what I’ve always know) is I am an addict;  My addiction  hurts no one but myself as it’s not drugs or alcohol but food that I am addicted to.  I thought I could “cheat” here and there but it turned in to almost a full blown “eat all the things” scenario.

I would like to say my lesson is learned but I’m not super confident in myself to say that I have.  I know that I will try to stick to protocol but being around food is hard sometimes.  I’ve asked by boyfriend to hide his sweets but I still know they are there.  My mind fixates and the amount of energy to not think about food is what drains me.  I am reminding myself Today starts Today but each day I need to keep in mind what I am and how can I change my mind set. I don’t know what the answer is…yet but I am back on my way of finding out. 

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Change is here and I am ready

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers sang that “The waiting is the hardest part” but it’s not the waiting it’s the change.  We all have different factors in our lives that motivate us to change.  Some have life events that thrust them into that change.  Others have the will to and foresight to see that they need to change to be who they want to be and then there are people like me.  I see the change that is needed but there has always been this wall that no matter what I tried I could not get over or break thru. 
That has changed in the last few weeks, I have admitted I needed help and have gone after that help.  This is the change that was so hard for me for so long.  I wanted to be strong enough to do this on my own but really I was just hurting myself and not realizing why. 
Change is here and I am ready and doing the work but it is still hard and that is why Today starts today because the change comes from within.

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

You can do anything, but not everything

“You can do anything, but not everything.”
~ David Allen

This quote was at the bottom of one of the daily IP videos and it really struck home.  Today starts today and I can only get done what I can do.  I know I need to push myself more than I have been but I have to remember that I can’t do everything (which is what my mind wants me to do).

This past weekend was my Birthday and I did not have any cake or sweets but what I did have was new hope.  I received a very cute shirt from two of my very Best Friends and although it was still a 6x it was lose and showed me that 1. I still have a long way to go, but 2. I can do it.  Slow but sure I will be who I know I can be!!  

Monday, July 31, 2017

I still feel uncomfortable of Love

We do things for ourselves but part of that is wanting to make sure those we love are proud of us.  We want to be the people we think they deserve to have in their lives.  Because of my weight I have never felt like I am deserving of love.  I know my parents, godparents, and uncle love me unconditionally but they are such amazing people that I never felt deserving of their love.  I have tried and failed so many times to be who I know they want me to be but I fail because I never did it for me.
I still feel uncomfortable of Love; my boyfriend is amazing but doesn’t see it.  When I tell him this he rolls his eyes and thinks I’m just being nice.  I know some of this is because if his own self esteem issues but some of it I can’t help think is because it’s coming from me.  If this was coming from someone more successful or pretty or smarter he would believe and know how amazing he is!! 
The same thing with my mother; I tried for so long to help her with her mental health issues that it drained every last drop of energy that I had.  I finally was so drained that I knew I had to step away or I would no longer exist.  Again if I was a better person I would have been able to help; my opinion, my words would have meant something to her to take to heart and get the help see needs but this never happened. 
I know in my mind both of these instances are not about me but the people themselves and them needing to know they are loved and feel worthy but I still feel in my heart that if I wasn’t me then people in my life would take what I say to heart more than a simple eye roll.

“Today starts today” is what I am doing for myself to make sure I am a better person and intern know that I am worthy of the love that has been given to me.  I am hoping this will also help with peoples who love me to see me as someone they can count on and rely on for support as they have supported me.