Tomorrow will come when it comes

Last week I gained a pound; this week I am not sure if I will have lost any.  I see with the group that I follow and my own feelings that this will be a struggle.  One that I will have to make sure I am present for and not just faking my way thru.  Each decision changes what can be a loss or a gain.  Each decision will change me for the better or will show me that I am still falling back into my old routine.  It’s been a little less than a month so I know this will be a long journey, I need to make sure I keep this in mind each day.  Today starts today is repetitive but it needs to be until it is second nature.  I need to remind myself that today is what I am living and tomorrow will come when it comes. 

The only consequence is what we do

“What we think, or what we know, or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do.”

~ John Ruskin

Change does not happen overnight but with each new day.

I realized this weekend that I am just living for weigh-in day.  I want to see the scale go down and quickly!  But… it’s only been a week and a half so I need to start learning how to live as “today starts today”. 

A fine line to walk but I feel I need to change my mind set to one day at a time.  

Today starts today; 

How do I want today to go?  

What do I want to do differently? 

What do I want to keep the same?  

What has to be done and what should be done?  

More questions than answers at the moment but reminding myself that each day needs to be treated as new day to be the person I want to be.  Looking back at who I was/am but knowing if I don’t like that I need to change.  Change does not happen overnight but with each new day.   

The truth is I’m not brave or sure I just know I can’t live like this no more.

“The truth is I’m not brave or sure I just know I can’t live like this no more” this line is in the song The Way Home by The Airborne Toxic Event.  I came across this song a few weeks ago and it made me cry.  I love when music can express what we feel but sometimes do not have the words to express ourselves.

A whole new journey has been started and each day I am reminding myself that I can’t live like I was living.  I can’t keep doing what I was doing.  I can’t keep feeling the way I was feeling. 

It’s only been 7 days but I am feeling better, I am tired but I think I am sleeping better at night and I haven’t slept well in a very long while.

Today starts each day and I can only take it as it comes. 

Practice, practice, practice

Today starts today is what I keep telling myself.  It is hard; I know some people will think I’m a wimp but after not putting yourself first for so long it is very hard to make sure you are doing what you need to do to keep on track.  The fear keeps creeping in and I keep having to tell it to go away.  It is like learning a whole new language, practice, practice, practice is something I will need to be sure to do. 

I’m Happy but still scared

I’m Happy but still scared; this is a hard emotion to always live in as I feel the Joy that Life can be but I’m also scared all the time.  Sacred that I won’t be able to handle life’s big challenges when they come up.  Scared that I will fail when I try because my resolve is really not there.  Scared that I will not be who I think I can be.   

I’ve started down a scary road because failure means death.  This is hard to say but I need to say it as that is the truth. If I fail at losing weight then I will keep suffering physically and emotionally and I don’t know how much longer I could go on with the pain.

I’m Happy though as I now know today starts today and each day I will need to take it as it comes and remind myself I am worthy.  Worthy of Loving myself.  Worthy of the Love that others have for me.  Worthy of showing myself and others that I do have what it takes and can succeed. 

I fell in love with you because you loved me when I couldn’t love myself

Last night I posted a picture on facebook with the saying “I fell in love with you because you loved me when I couldn’t love myself”.  Some people might not understand this saying and that’s ok but other will identify wholeheartedly. 

We Love, we Love deeply but we don’t know how to show that same Love that we have for others to ourselves.  People have been making fun of “self-care” as a liberal snowflake wussy touchy-feely idea but these people do not understand that some people need to remind themselves (daily) that they are worthy of Love. 

Again I am and have been very lucky to find a Man who Loves me, makes me feel Loved by him and also lets me Love him back.  I never feel worthy of his Love and it’s a daily struggle not to just run and hide but Love changes you, makes you feel strong, and awakens a side of you to know that you are worthy.

Admitting that I am Loved is scary but worth it, but part of being Loved is Loving yourself.  Love yourself enough to not always be afraid, not always take the easy road, not always doubt that you are worth the Love you are given by others.  Today starts today.